Or, How To Generate Hits And Make $$$ In Your Spare Time. Just kidding. No, what prompted today’s mildly wine-fuelled1 attempt at battering some twenty years’ worth of writer’s block into gibbering submission are the strange statistics I get from the search results leading people to this ego-fuelled nonsense.
Some peaks are fully predictable, such as the review of Pulp’s ‘secret’ first post-reunion gig. That was historic stuff, and I am delighted to say I now also have a T-shirt to match, even if it doesn’t have the date on the back. Same goes for the Great Dawkins Fuck-Up, which got a lot of people of all sexes very emotional and prompted a lot of blog-searching. In some cases it may also have provoked some heart-searching. I hope so.
I was mildly surprised to get a hit for mentioning currently-fully-shagged-out-by-fatherhood Matt Bellamy in a passing joke, until I realised it was probably just a Google alert generated by Muse’s record company/PR machine. Maybe I should mention major bands more often? Well, let’s be mercenary here. Either they come to Toulouse’s Le Bikini venue (like My Chemical Romance or Interpol, hint hint) or they pay for me to fly out and review a gig.
It’s probably just as well I have a subscription to Le Bikini.
I’m surprised at the number of people who seem to be troubled by Google time-outs, as a steady stream of hits to that post testifies. For the record, guys: like all vaccines, the remedy doesn’t provide 100% protection. I recommend it anyway, though.
One search term that absolutely floored me though, was:
identify an atheist
I mean, why? Are you trying to develop a religious version of the gaydar? An FSMdar maybe? Are you looking for a copy of the I-Spy Book of Atheists? Perhaps you’re short a Skeptic Trump card or two?
I think you should talk to me. I can help. Atheists are not, as a rule, bad people any more than the vast majority of those who adhere to any other religious position. I’m sure I can provide assistance, whether it’s in contacting an atheist, no longer being afraid of atheists, or just finding out why there are atheists.
Admittedly, if you’re Jennifer Fulwiler, that may be an uphill struggle. Claiming that the Catholic church has doctrines that makes sense to atheists is a bit strong when some of them, such as papal infallibility, were rejected centuries ago by other theists, i.e. Protestants. Dumb bitch.
1 Comte de Negret red, since you’re asking. One glass. OK, mebbee two.