It is fashionable to occasionally dip into the search terms that the site stats claim resulted in visits to one’s oeuvre. Well, it’s always good for a laugh, since some of them are guaranteed to raise more than a dubious eyebrow. I haven’t done this since I moved here from Blogger, so maybe by now some good stuff has accrued. Let’s see.
Some are desperately looking for juicy gossip. Does X have cancer? Do Y or Z have HIV? Weirdly enough, all three are in the same band. They must attract stalkers. Also for the record, I do not know anything about:
- Dom Howard address France
– if, indeed he still lives here. Yes, some nutter thought they could find a rock star’s private address by Googling for it. Then there are the pervs, presumably lured in by the swearing:
- mass wanking porn
- where to buy porn dvd in fairlawn nj
Oh Gordon Bennett, try a sex shop. Otherwise, remember rule 34. Next! Ah, I know where this one came from:
- adverse effects of placenta encapsulation
Easy: you look a complete tit and it’ll cost you quite a bit of money. Also, if it’s done badly you could get food poisoning.
- so much nutrients grammar
Did this person want to check the grammar of the phrase, or the amount of nutrition found in the word ‘grammar’? We may never know. All this is pretty tame stuff, though.
- harry potter cern comic
Does a Harry Potter comic about CERN even exist? Because I suddenly feel it should, although I would prefer a steampunk one. Or possibly superheroes. Tim Berners-Lee would look good in Spandex and a cape. Also, Stephen Hawking and Peter Higgs could be nemeses. Hold on a mo, just nipping out to copyright that.
- bitchiness in the family pdf files
That sounds like two TV shows. Bitchiness In The Family would be reality TV, featuring an unpleasant, vaguely related collection of orange-skinned yobettes all destined to be buried in Y-shaped coffins, whereas PDF Files is a cheap and nasty ripoff of X Files, probably set in an office block to save cash on location filming.
- stella artois mixed with drugs itching
What idiot drinks Stella Artois? What idiot takes drugs? What complete dingbat mixes the two and then wonders why they get adverse effects? Probably the same person who needed an answer to this question as well:
- why are my legs always spiky
Or it might be a song title, along the lines of “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight?”, a ditty once covered by Brian May (PhD) I believe. They might both be songs, in fact, although “Stella Artois” sounds more like a rap number:
stella artois, mixed with drugs, itching
PDF files; in the family, bitching
Then they could play:
- monkey i’m a bikini
which is probably a somewhat incoherent cover of The Monkees’ “I’m A Believer”. And the last mysterious search term is presented without comment, because I don’t trust myself to say more than: this definitely sounds like the name of the sort of band who’d record numbers like the above.
- dumple penis
I don’t want to know. I just don’t want to know.