Searchindipity for October 2011

It is fashionable to occasionally dip into the search terms that the site stats claim resulted in visits to one’s oeuvre. Well, it’s always good for a laugh, since some of them are guaranteed to raise more than a dubious eyebrow. I haven’t done this since I moved here from Blogger, so maybe by now some good stuff has accrued. Let’s see.

Some are desperately looking for juicy gossip. Does X have cancer? Do Y or Z have HIV? Weirdly enough, all three are in the same band. They must attract stalkers. Also for the record, I do not know anything about:

Color-enhanced scanning electron micrograph sh...

Picture is definitely unrelated (Image via Wikipedia)

  • Dom Howard address France

– if, indeed he still lives here. Yes, some nutter thought they could find a rock star’s private address by Googling for it. Then there are the pervs, presumably lured in by the swearing:

  • mass wanking porn

Um, what?

  • where to buy porn dvd in fairlawn nj

Oh Gordon Bennett, try a sex shop. Otherwise, remember rule 34. Next! Ah, I know where this one came from:

  • adverse effects of placenta encapsulation

Easy: you look a complete tit and it’ll cost you quite a bit of money. Also, if it’s done badly you could get food poisoning.

  • so much nutrients grammar

Did this person want to check the grammar of the phrase, or the amount of nutrition found in the word ‘grammar’? We may never know. All this is pretty tame stuff, though.

  • harry potter cern comic

Does a Harry Potter comic about CERN even exist? Because I suddenly feel it should, although I would prefer a steampunk one. Or possibly superheroes. Tim Berners-Lee would  look good in Spandex and a cape. Also, Stephen Hawking and Peter Higgs could be nemeses. Hold on a mo, just nipping out to copyright that.

  • bitchiness in the family pdf files

That sounds like two TV shows. Bitchiness In The Family would be reality TV, featuring an unpleasant, vaguely related collection of orange-skinned yobettes all destined to be buried in Y-shaped coffins, whereas PDF Files is a cheap and nasty ripoff of X Files, probably set in an office block to save cash on location filming.

  • stella artois mixed with drugs itching

What idiot drinks Stella Artois? What idiot takes drugs? What complete dingbat mixes the two and then wonders why they get adverse effects? Probably the same person who needed an answer to this question as well:

  • why are my legs always spiky

Or it might be a song title, along the lines of “Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight?”, a ditty once covered by Brian May (PhD) I believe. They might both be songs, in fact, although “Stella Artois” sounds more like a rap number:

stella artois, mixed with drugs, itching
PDF files; in the family, bitching

Then they could play:

  • monkey i’m a bikini

which is probably a somewhat incoherent cover of The Monkees’ “I’m A Believer”. And the last mysterious search term is presented without comment, because I don’t trust myself to say more than: this definitely sounds like the name of the sort of band who’d record numbers like the above.

  • dumple penis

I don’t want to know. I just don’t want to know.


2 responses to “Searchindipity for October 2011

  1. Come on… you’re lucky! I have been dying to do a post like this forever… and no matter how much I cuss or swear on the posts, how much I link to obscene pics, I just don’t seem to get the weirdo love from Google.

    Enjoy it…

  2. Pingback: Searchindipity for December 2011 « Short and Spiky

Go on, bother me. You know you want to.

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