Searchindipity: a full year’s weirdosity

In celebration of nothing very much and in response to popular demand (well, OK, one request), I thought I’d revive this occasional foray into the strange and meandering paths of inquiry that bring people to my blog.

And the first specimen that leaps enthusiastically out at us is:

pine nidles natural mms

Um, yes. Presumably they (yes, there was more than one) meant pine needles, but it’s still not immediately obvious… Hang on, I’ll Google this. Ah. It would seem to refer to Methylsulfonylmethane, often extracted from pine needles, and flogged by quacks as a treatment for osteoarthritis, bursitis and similar pains in the neck (and other places).  It’s closely related to our old friend DMSO and is about as effective, if slightly less toxic. File under “more dumbfuck for future WTFometering”.

Right, next:

lightworkers and karmic ties

I dunno, do lightworkers wear karmic ties? Are these like regimental ties, or those rainbow ties that for some inexplicable reason everybody at today’s local Pride parade insisted on wearing, in spite of my pointing out that ties should be worn with a shirt, or – if making steamy gyrating motions to pounding music aboard a parade float – absolutely nothing above the waist, but certainly not with a sky-blue T-shirt that says PARADE STAFF.

But I digress. Moving on…

negative energy objects recycling

Ah yes, these are the noddlepates that think you have to clear out “negative energy” from second-hand cars and dumb stuff like that. An ever-popular post, that one. Sometimes it’s hard to grasp exactly how earnestly moronic people can be. This is probably just as well, since when you do grasp it you also tend to grasp the nearest axe and start hewing your way to freedom.

opinions of dana ullman

Are more excellent examples of either earnestly moronic or spectacularly dishonest. It is no secret that I plumped for the second option long ago.

Now then… Oh geez:

sex animeaux horsetime

Horsetime is a US charity which offers a form of psychotherapy involving looking after and riding horses, but absolutely not shagging them in any way. Excuse me while I drop that one in the nuclear waste bin using a very long pair of pincers. Now…

homeopathists climate change

You what? Is there a homeopathic remedy for (or made from, I wouldn’t put it past them, muppets that they are) climate change? Quick check…

Yes. Yes, there is a homeopathic remedy for the effects of climate change on the mark.  Of course there fucking is. Anything they can make a buck from selling to the gullible and scared. I think I need the axe now, dear.

A lot of references to homeopathy, often with the words “bollocks”, “scam” or “fraud” attached, and one glorious “homeopathy fucking morons.” These are the actual terms of the actual Google search. This pleases us mightily. And now a clear case of a desperate plea for help from a foolish mark who thought they knew better than their doctor and all the scientific expertise easily available to laymen on Internet:

argyria detox

Variants on this turn up several times. Hard cheddar, mate. Once you’ve got argyria you’re stuck with it. Next time somebody says “take this miracle cure that doctors have been hiding from you” you’ll maybe think twice.

is kitty litter pure enough for a detox bath

Sweetheart, unless you’ve been poisoned or hooked on an addictive drug like alcohol, detox is a scam. Cat litter is useful for soaking up noxious substances, certainly, but only if it’s cat pee or oil on your garage floor. However, if you are going to do something so ludicrously dumbfuck as to bathe in cat litter, at least make sure the cat hasn’t used it first. Narmean?

This guy hasn’t been mentioned in ages:

rhett daniels douchebag

It’s a fairly accurate depiction of him. We’ll leave it at that. On to sillier and less actively toxic subjects, like:

how to attune your pet to reiki level 1

Why? What do these self-centred airheads imagine this neohippy mystical ritual will do for, or to, the wretched animal? Talking of attunements, is it the

excess fat free attunement

or the stodgy, but so much tastier, full-fat one? Enquiring minds etc. Oh look, here come the sugar pill purveyors again:

homeopathy symptoms of suppressed pneumonia

Suppressed pneumonia? There’s no such thing, except in the minds of…  Well, those “fucking morons” is probably the most apt term. They’re forever wittering on about real medicine suppressing symptoms instead of curing things, and inventing illnesses to hand out sugar pills for. Dicks.

spring cleaning government conspiracy

Look, I did the garden and the furniture-shifting; it’s your turn now. Stop bloody moaning and get on with it.

edible magnetic metal

This nutter was probably looking for Magnetic Clay and their now-banned “Edible Earth” bollocks. Which, in any case, was neither metallic nor magnetic. Still, I have this vision of a guy snacking on a bar of iron as if it were a Twix… Beat that, Popeye. And now.. OH GOD NO. Rule 34 strikes again.

smurfs anal sex raw

I’ll be needing the mindbleach and the axe. Now. No ifs or buts. Gimme.

P.S. Click on the pic at the start of the post to read an interesting article on the importance of a wee sweary on Glasgow University Library Blog.


Go on, bother me. You know you want to.

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