Category Archives: Searchindipity

The weird and not-so-wonderful search terms that brought somebody to one of my blogs. Quite definitely NSFW.

Searchindipity – one more time for 2014

Yes, yes, I know. Don’t post often enough and all that crap. In my defence, I joined the WWDDTYDTY team and also set up a curation site with other sceptics  over at Blogger. Ensuring everything is spellchecked and full of properly formatted links to interesting or important information takes up quite a bit of time. So I’ll admit to spreading myself somewhat thin, what with real life being remarkably eventful and opportunities for skiving off forming a positive glut on the market. Hasn’t stopped the nutters, weirdos and really fucking nasty little creeps, of course. A glance at the search terms leading people to the main blog, Plague of Mice, for the last 90 days is predictably depressing.

By far the most popular? Various combinations of:

homeopathy and Ebola

– presumably drawn by this. One seeker after wisdom produced the gloriously misspelled:

letter for who from homeopaths for enola virious treatment

Of course, our visitor may have been researching a little-known aspect of a video game. One can never quite be sure. Some of it is frankly disturbing, such as:

ebola mice

Bloody sugar mice at Christmas are bad enough, but I suppose somebody will decide it’s a great idea after the chicken pox lollipops. Nevertheless, in the candy crackpottery section my favourite has to be:

jelly beans can cure ebola

I think that corresponds to the needs of the person looking for evidence proof of stupidity. There also seem to be a few irremediable morons looking to the MMS/alkaline water scammers to produce the magical cure for a disease the vast majority of humanity will, thankfully, never come within 10 miles of. However, before we leave the Old Faithful of fuckwittery that is homeopathy, here are three more gems to ponder:

plague of 1913 1914 homeopathy (do they mean the ‘flu pandemic?)
the plague and homeopathy
homeopathy ways to get rid of mice

How do you use homeopathy to get rid of mice? Round ’em up and make them take a sugar pill every two hours until they get so pissed off at you they fuck off to infest another place? I think you’ll find the best way is putting food in hermetically sealed containers at all times, using the homeopathy with lots of soap to scrub down surfaces where crumbs may linger, and – if all else fails – investing in a cat from the local shelter does the trick quite spectacularly.

Incredibly nasty bit of work Errol Denton, convicted liar and fraud, is doubtless responsible for these: alan henness beheaded and josephine jones is a dangerous liar. Both these perfectly harmless and conscientious people  were part of a campaign to expose Denton’s own lucrative and dangerous scam to the world. The charlatan promptly resorted to attempting to blacken names and bully innocents in a desperate race to save his revenue stream before Sgt Plod came calling.

On to less stomach-churning subjects:

how to infuse dark ki in objects

That’ll be dark reiki, I presume, of which adepts dare only whisper in affright. No, look, Lovecraftian jokes aside, there really is a concept of dark reiki. Of course there fucking is. It’s a religion, therefore its view of the world is fundamentally manichean and there’s always some dork who secretly dreams of being Darth Vader.

Let me know if anyone ever manages it. I reckon that would be the only reiki practitioner capable of producing:

a good affirmation for helping to clear a home from mice

I kid you not.

Right, this next one turned up, but I haven’t a clue what it refers to:

amber plague

Answers on  a postcard please, etc. And if you can translate this

voice surch hewbew yaweh and yaw shoue a

you’ll get an extra point. It may be what Yondu says to the Broker until he gets an answer to his question, of course. Great film that, looking forward to the sequel.

We now move on to the frankly weird. Somebody, somewhere apparently thinks this is possible:

 abortion through mantra& yoga

Well, I suppose it’s no more completely fucking stupid than the Biblical recipe for abortion. It’s about as likely to be as effective as dark reiki. Of the three forms of fuckwittery, the OT one is most likely to have an effect, because who knows what’s been slipped into that “tabernacle dust” mixture?

And last of all, because it’s the season of joy and thanksgiving, one that never fails to make me angry:

can teen sexual orientation change with homeopathy

No it fucking can’t, you double moron. First of all, homeopathy is a load of ineffective bollocks, whatever the malady. Secondly, sexual orientation isn’t an illness and it can’t be changed.

A Happy New Year to all the homeless LGBT teenagers out there, whose families forced them onto the street. They’re the lucky ones.

Happy New Year to everyone in fact. Have one of these: the weirdest tutu ever detected by science.

I reckon I need one.


Searchindipity: a full year’s weirdosity

In celebration of nothing very much and in response to popular demand (well, OK, one request), I thought I’d revive this occasional foray into the strange and meandering paths of inquiry that bring people to my blog.

And the first specimen that leaps enthusiastically out at us is:

pine nidles natural mms

Um, yes. Presumably they (yes, there was more than one) meant pine needles, but it’s still not immediately obvious… Hang on, I’ll Google this. Ah. It would seem to refer to Methylsulfonylmethane, often extracted from pine needles, and flogged by quacks as a treatment for osteoarthritis, bursitis and similar pains in the neck (and other places).  It’s closely related to our old friend DMSO and is about as effective, if slightly less toxic. File under “more dumbfuck for future WTFometering”.

Right, next:

lightworkers and karmic ties

I dunno, do lightworkers wear karmic ties? Are these like regimental ties, or those rainbow ties that for some inexplicable reason everybody at today’s local Pride parade insisted on wearing, in spite of my pointing out that ties should be worn with a shirt, or – if making steamy gyrating motions to pounding music aboard a parade float – absolutely nothing above the waist, but certainly not with a sky-blue T-shirt that says PARADE STAFF.

But I digress. Moving on…

negative energy objects recycling

Ah yes, these are the noddlepates that think you have to clear out “negative energy” from second-hand cars and dumb stuff like that. An ever-popular post, that one. Sometimes it’s hard to grasp exactly how earnestly moronic people can be. This is probably just as well, since when you do grasp it you also tend to grasp the nearest axe and start hewing your way to freedom.

opinions of dana ullman

Are more excellent examples of either earnestly moronic or spectacularly dishonest. It is no secret that I plumped for the second option long ago.

Now then… Oh geez:

sex animeaux horsetime

Horsetime is a US charity which offers a form of psychotherapy involving looking after and riding horses, but absolutely not shagging them in any way. Excuse me while I drop that one in the nuclear waste bin using a very long pair of pincers. Now…

homeopathists climate change

You what? Is there a homeopathic remedy for (or made from, I wouldn’t put it past them, muppets that they are) climate change? Quick check…

Yes. Yes, there is a homeopathic remedy for the effects of climate change on the mark.  Of course there fucking is. Anything they can make a buck from selling to the gullible and scared. I think I need the axe now, dear.

A lot of references to homeopathy, often with the words “bollocks”, “scam” or “fraud” attached, and one glorious “homeopathy fucking morons.” These are the actual terms of the actual Google search. This pleases us mightily. And now a clear case of a desperate plea for help from a foolish mark who thought they knew better than their doctor and all the scientific expertise easily available to laymen on Internet:

argyria detox

Variants on this turn up several times. Hard cheddar, mate. Once you’ve got argyria you’re stuck with it. Next time somebody says “take this miracle cure that doctors have been hiding from you” you’ll maybe think twice.

is kitty litter pure enough for a detox bath

Sweetheart, unless you’ve been poisoned or hooked on an addictive drug like alcohol, detox is a scam. Cat litter is useful for soaking up noxious substances, certainly, but only if it’s cat pee or oil on your garage floor. However, if you are going to do something so ludicrously dumbfuck as to bathe in cat litter, at least make sure the cat hasn’t used it first. Narmean?

This guy hasn’t been mentioned in ages:

rhett daniels douchebag

It’s a fairly accurate depiction of him. We’ll leave it at that. On to sillier and less actively toxic subjects, like:

how to attune your pet to reiki level 1

Why? What do these self-centred airheads imagine this neohippy mystical ritual will do for, or to, the wretched animal? Talking of attunements, is it the

excess fat free attunement

or the stodgy, but so much tastier, full-fat one? Enquiring minds etc. Oh look, here come the sugar pill purveyors again:

homeopathy symptoms of suppressed pneumonia

Suppressed pneumonia? There’s no such thing, except in the minds of…  Well, those “fucking morons” is probably the most apt term. They’re forever wittering on about real medicine suppressing symptoms instead of curing things, and inventing illnesses to hand out sugar pills for. Dicks.

spring cleaning government conspiracy

Look, I did the garden and the furniture-shifting; it’s your turn now. Stop bloody moaning and get on with it.

edible magnetic metal

This nutter was probably looking for Magnetic Clay and their now-banned “Edible Earth” bollocks. Which, in any case, was neither metallic nor magnetic. Still, I have this vision of a guy snacking on a bar of iron as if it were a Twix… Beat that, Popeye. And now.. OH GOD NO. Rule 34 strikes again.

smurfs anal sex raw

I’ll be needing the mindbleach and the axe. Now. No ifs or buts. Gimme.

P.S. Click on the pic at the start of the post to read an interesting article on the importance of a wee sweary on Glasgow University Library Blog.